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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.