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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"