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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.