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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.