Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.