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I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that Iām still not a real adult.