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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.