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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han