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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I hate when Iām comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.