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never be afraid to wipe twice
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Remember when the world ended last year?
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.