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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I`m perfect you adjust.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?