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I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Last person to like this wins a prize.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!