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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.