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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.