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I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.