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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.