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I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....