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April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
i dont have drain bramage.