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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.