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Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there