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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.