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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.