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Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.