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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....