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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!