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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Ride me like you stole me.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.