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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!