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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.