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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen