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Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!