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You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.