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Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.