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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
I need a new bad decision.