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My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks