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Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.