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Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." ā my brain when I see a box of donuts
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
The songs I like always come on when Iām supposed to be getting out of my car.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?