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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.