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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.