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Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.