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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.