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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"