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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Is Nudeism a religion?
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.