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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.