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This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Attention fuels immaturity
only 9530 days until retirement.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever