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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.