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Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.