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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.