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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.