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My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.