Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!