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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.