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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.