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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.