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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell