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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".