Daily Silly Status

I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.

Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.

I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.

After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.

If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.

I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.

I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.

If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.

I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...

Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.

Being alive is so expensive.

You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|