Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
A leaf blower, but for people.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome